how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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