Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
