Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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