i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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