i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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