Tell her she can't have a vagina
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
