And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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