the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
