You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
