Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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