How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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