I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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