Girls should come with a carfax report
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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