ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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