Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't put those talents on a resume
third nipple confirmed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
