I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
