Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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