i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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