this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A bitchslap is in order.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
