I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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