why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
