I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
