He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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