? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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