Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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