theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
