Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
