sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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