The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
