Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize