we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
