My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
