I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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