FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
