I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
