She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
