I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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