Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I forget how to act sober
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
