Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
