my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Someone signed my nipple.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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