it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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