got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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