The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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