Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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