Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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