:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
