So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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