I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
