If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
