Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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