I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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