You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize