"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize