Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
