i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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