a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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