He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
