This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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