Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
