I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
