oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
