I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't turn off my feet"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
