he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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