my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
