She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
