How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
