lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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