I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
