3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
operation have a gay friend backfired
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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