Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
