Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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