I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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