I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
