i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
