You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I could punch you in the face.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is my gift to your gina
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
