So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
