i would punch a child for taco bell
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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