i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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