Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
