I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
