that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
