Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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