how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
