Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
