Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize