She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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