No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
