I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
