I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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