i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
