you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
