I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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