There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
