just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
