4 words: hood of his car
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
