I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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