I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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