just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
