haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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